Should you have a say in your partner's clothing choices?

Sam (No)

A person who feels they should have authority over what their romantic partner wears could be classified as a controlling or even emotionally abusive partner. One example of this is Jonah Hill’s questionable behavior towards his (now ex) surfer girlfriend, who posted pictures of herself in a bikini. In Jonah’s case, he was called out for weaponizing “therapy speak” to pressure his partner to present herself as he saw fit in the name of “boundaries.” Doing this can be a sign of abusive behavior that could escalate into something more dangerous. 

Likewise, there is a difference between providing an opinion on your partner’s clothing when explicitly asked for it and outright unwillingness to accept how they choose to dress. And offering such opinions publicly, as the world witnessed between Keke Palmer and her now-ex, Darius Jackson, can make the situation even messier.

If you cannot respect your partner's personal style choices, it may signify a deeper problem: incompatible values. One partner may value dressing formally, while the other prefers wearing athleisure to every event. If these differences create constant conflict and neither partner is willing to compromise, the real problem may not be the clothes but incompatibility. If one partner feels that posting revealing pictures or wearing revealing outfits is inappropriate or even disrespectful while the other does not see such a display as negative or overtly sexual, then the two might not be able to reconcile their values and should seriously consider parting ways (and very often do).

Ultimately, a healthy relationship is marked by each person respecting the other’s autonomy, including clothing choices. You don’t have to like every outfit your partner wears, but your partner’s comfort and confidence in their clothing should be the main concern.

Elisa (Yes)

In a relationship, what our partner wears can affect us. If it comes from a loving place, then there are times it is appropriate to tell your partner what to wear. One partner may be concerned about how their partner is treated—unnecessary catcalling, harassment, and scrutiny can result from specific styles. A partner may kindly tell the other that a certain outfit could result in objectification or even harassment. We wouldn’t have to worry about this in a perfect world, but this isn’t a perfect world.

Likewise, there are important events where a person should have a say in what one wears, such as meeting a partner’s parents, a work party, a wedding, or some other event that could influence a person’s reputation. 

Unfortunately, clothing can affect our relationships, and if what your partner is wearing affects you negatively, you should have a right to say something. However, there is also a way to talk to a partner about their style without hurting their feelings, no matter their sex.

Many cultures and religions believe in conservative dress. But even if one is not spiritual or religious, revealing clothing can still negatively affect a relationship. It matters what we wear, and therefore, it may matter what our partner is wearing, too. If a woman can have a say in what her man wears, then it is only fair that a man has a say, as well. Of course, there is always a line between respect and control in any relationship, but just because the subject is sensitive does not mean a balance cannot happen between a couple's contrasting preferences.